Preface
I left home. There isn’t much more to say about it. After I was cleared of the charges, I left to start my story again. I want ready to end it yet. No way. It had been a rough winter, but I had survived. I don’t really know how I did it but, withing a few years I had food school grades, a job, a house, and I a few close friends to share it with.
Day One
A phone call was in order. She was going to leave town, had been for a while but now she had the money for it. She was leaving and I was yet to tell her I wanted to go with her. Yes, I loved her, more then a schoolboy crush or puppy love; but deep in my heart it dwelled, tearing me apart at her lack of emotions towards me. It was a normal call at first. Me and her were making jokes and gossiping; then she mentioned the move and the mood changed. We talked about it seriously and I tried to say that I didn’t want to be apart from her but I couldn’t. My words fell silent upon passing through my lips and I let out a sigh. It hurt being so close to telling her but unable to speak. I tried, starting with a few words about her being lonley, dropping a hint so subtle even I couldn’t pick up on it. As I thought she said nothing, just hung up.
Day Two
She was crying. Her boyfriend had left her and she came running to me. I held her as she sobbed, momentarily forgetting about the last time. We sat in my room talking and laughing and being happy and just mocking around, until it went too far. She looked at me turning pale as paper. “I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me. I should go” she got up and walked to the door. “wait Jessie please stay a little longer.” I caught her hand but she shook her head pulling her arm out if my grip and ran. I flopped down remembering her words. She had said she loved me, taken our fooling around to a whole new level and I hated it. Knowing she hadn’t meant it, probably the booze talking but still, it was good to hear it said. I turned to my phone and opened Facebook. The news feed empty and my inbox Silent. With a sigh I logged out, knowing full well what I was going to do. No-one messaged me so why keep that account? Before long, I had a new account under a new name with a new profile picture, stolen from google images and added myself as a friend and sent her a request. Upon seeing the mutual friend symbol, she pressed accept and it began. I did the same with snapchat and Instagram. It wasn’t long before she was messaging me, asking about the guy who had added her. I shut down my account.
Day Ten
Things were moving swiftly. She would take no interest in the mysterious guy on her friend’s list but she did ask me the odd question whenever he Messaged her. Until he asked her to meet. She agreed, having got to know him well but invited me along too. We waited for the better part of two hours but he didn’t show up. Of course he didn’t. How could he? He was already there, she just didn’t realise it. We were walking to the bus stop when she decided to stop by a shop, so while she was sitting through the racks of jewelry and make-up, I sent her a text, which she read aloud. “I don’t like his company. next time come alone” she shuddered a little, asking why he wouldn’t want me there, I explained that we had argued and she believed me. I hid a laugh at her reaction, she was buying it. Soon we were walking home, her house before mine and I left her at her door, waiting for the all important message from her. It didn’t come.
Day Fifteen
Things were moving swiftly. She would take no interest in the mysterious guy on her friend’s list but she did ask me the odd question whenever he Messaged her. Until he asked her to meet. She agreed, having got to know him well but invited me along too. We waited for the better part of two hours but he didn’t show up. Of course he didn’t. How could he? He was already there, she just didn’t realise it. We were walking to the bus stop when she decided to stop by a shop, so while she was sitting through the racks of jewelry and make-up, I sent her a text, which she read aloud. “I don’t like his company. next time come alone” she shuddered a little, asking why he wouldn’t want me there, I explained that we had argued and she believed me. I hid a laugh at her reaction, she was buying it. Soon we were walking home, her house before mine and I left her at her door, waiting for the all important message from her. It didn’t come.
Day Twenty
It was her birthday. Turning twenty one, according to Facebook. I wished her a happy birthday with no reply. He wished her a happy birthday with a sweet thank you message in reply. He was even invited to her party but he declined. This other life was getting hard to maintain. His name I would respond to whenever it was called in the street. Frank. It was hard to force myself to respond to Joe. I needed a day off. Not yet though, not till it was over. Not till I won. We talked till five AM that night. I asked her, in a subtle way if she really wanted to meet me in person and if she would care who I was. The question was unanswered for a few hours. Eventually ad I was about to log off for the night she responded with ‘no’. My heart left into my mouth tnag j typed that it was really me, then deleted it. Not yet.
Day Thirty-Six
F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k
F**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k
Oh s**t.
Day Forty
I took some time off. After what happened in day thirty six, I needed a break. She had asked to meet and, it if curiosity I asked what she would do upon meetong me. She replied that she would kiss me. Work my heart bearing at fifty million miles an hour, I asked why. He reply was simple. Only a few words but they were enough to make my breathing stop, my heart skip a beat; my whole body shaking, I closed the laptop lid. Her words echoed in my mind. The screen burned into the back of my eyelids. “because I love you”.
I slept that night, the nightmares chased away by the message, allowing an empty sleep with no nightmares, no dreams, nothing but the black abyss of sleep.
The next day I had a message off her, apologizing for her drunken outburst but, her feelings remained the same.
Today, I replied.
Day Fifty-morning
It was the day we were to meet. I waited in town at the same place I was to meet her before and waited. My black outfit of jeans and a hoodie was boiling in the relentless August sun. I waited. An hour passed with no sign of her. I messaged her. I waited. She replied. A bus passed and I waited. Another passed. And another. And another. I waited. She arrived. My whole body trembled at the sight of her on her dress down denim shorts and hoodie. She walked towards me, checking her phone for the right place. I had removed the profile picture on Frank’s Facebook, she didn’t question it as I replaced it with a question mark. I think I changed it. I’m sure I did. Day five I think. Was it? I’m sure it was. She walked over, skipping in the sunlight, he black hair bouncing around her face as she walked over. I looked at her past my hood just in time to hear her scream and run toward me, arms spread wide.
Day Fifty-Afternoon
She ran towards me with such speed we fell, both laughing, but, she jumped away. “I know that laugh. Joe? ” she helped me up, my hood falling back. “y… You are Frank?! ” she stepped away but I caught her arm, wanting her to let me explain. Just like Beth, she pulled her arm away. “please let me explain Jessie… Plwase! ” she looked at me, pausing. “alright. Explain. ” with a shaking voice I tried to explain but was unable. I couldn’t make her understand. She began to walk a away but I followed her. “I trusted you. ” she snapped turning in me. I realised how much she looked like her. Same hair. Same smile. Same terrified look as I stopped her leaving. Beth. Jessie. Both I loved. Both I would lose. No. Not this time. I wasn’t going to let her die on me. No way.
Not. This. Time.
She ran.
I followed. She sped up and I called to her to stop. There was no way that bus could stop in time.
Day Sixty
She was dead.
For a whole two minutes her heart had stopped. I stood by watching as they tried to revive her, and sat beside her as she rested. She slept for a long time. Well I think it was a long time. Was it? Maybe, I do dont know. But she when she did wake I was so happy. She was in a coma a few days. All I know is I left with another outfit.
Day Sixty Two
I visited her at around 8pm. I’m sure of it. It might he have been earlier I don’t really know. Anyqays, she was still sleeping. She looked dead. Her cheeks pale and colorless, her hair flying out on the Pillows, Like a raven behind her head. I say in my “borrowed” uniform listening to the steady beating of her heart. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I shut my eyes for a moment, taking it in. Beep. Beep. I thought about her. Jessie. So happy. So full of life. Beth had been happy and full of life too. She had smiled and laughed and cried and laughed and oh how she cried. There were days when she wouldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. She would cry and cry and cry and cry. Sh would step away from the phone as I rang and Sob. She would run from public call boxes and cry about it later. She sobbed and spoke to me. She cried and called me. She cried more times then I could count. She deserved to be happy. She was happy when I last saw her though. Lay in her final bed she looked so happy. Finally free of the calls. Free of the pain of this world. Free of Me. I couldn’t take it. Yes she deserved to be happy, but why couldn’t she have been that happy with me? I pushed the thoughts away and looked at Jessie as she slept. Her corpse still accept for her the occasional breath.
Day $!xTy Thr33
That morning, I left her room before I could be noticed by the real staff. Once home, I logged out of all social media and waited for night to come. The day dragged but by eight o’clock I was at the hospital sitting beside her. I listened to her heart beat its rhythm as she slept, yearning for her to wake and look at me with those eyes. Those beautiful blue pools. Wait, Blue? Yes I’m sure they were blue. Unless they were purple. I’m not sure. I opened her eye gently, pulling the lips apart gently, showing a pair of delicate hazel eyes. I sat back in my chair, taking her hand in my own. “please wake up Jessie. I love you too much to lose you.” I felt her hand close around mine and jumped a little, before looking down at her, she smiled up at me. “morning sunshine” she smiled brighter and I felt myself redden at her words. “morning” she laughs lightly and looked at me. “I’m sorry for flipping out on you earlier, I actually think it was kind of sweet.”You do? I mean you don’t think I’m a creep?” she shook her head. I felt so light. The world no longer weighing me down. Like being in a dream. Perhaps I was in a dream. It didn’t feel like it. This was how it was supposed to be. Like with beth but a happier ending. She accepted me as I was. She wasn’t dead. I couldn’t help but think about Beth. She died on me. How rude. Jessie wasn’t like that. She wasn’t going to leave me that way. She wouldn’t die just to be rid of me. No, she wouldn’t do that. She loved me. Almost as much asas loved her. Then she learned back, her grip loosening on my hand and she was asleep.
Day sixty ten
We sat talking as usual, the whole room bright with her beauty as she gazed longingly at me. “I want to go home” she whispered. I nodded. I wanted that too. We had talked about her going home, how she would spend a few days recovering then move in with me. As I left that night, I kissed her forehead and walked towards the door. She slipped back into her sleep and the room became dark. It was as though the world had been drained of all light. I walked home, dodging the doctor’s and nhrses, knowing that they would recognise I wasn’t one of them instantly. O slept most of the day, tired from my time with her and not needing to go to work as her condition had affected my working mind; they felt it best I had time off. It didn’t matter. Soon she would come home. Soon she would be happy again. Soon she would be with me.
DaY… Uh…. Twelve?,
I entered her room, knowing she would soon wake and free me from the strain of the day. My life outside that room was nothing but a dull repetitive cycle, waiting for night to come so I could come and see her. Speak with her. Take my mind off things with her. And, as I lay with her, I let myself tell her that I didn’t want to leave. She repeated my words, not wanting me to leave. It was okay, I had to leave, yes, but not yet.
Not. Yet.
She Looked at me, slowly falling into the abyss of sleep and o saw tears build up in her eyes. “You need to go now” I shook my head, telling her it wasn’t time.
“no” she whispered. “it’s time to wake up”
D#y?! $+#;+#! #+#):@+@(#;@(@? -@(@;
No hope. There is no hope for a lost cause like Me. I was losing track of time. Day turned to night and I spent it all in my room. No. I wasn’t in my room, I was with her, want I? I think I was… Yes, I was. I’m sure of it.
Anyway, she said yes.
She was going to marry me. Once the hospital released her we were going to have a life together. Marriage… Better Jobs… Maybe a kid or two… But not yet.
Once again she told me to wake up. I diIt want to. I couldn’t. This was real. Yes, it was. How can you wake up from reality?
??????????
“wake up”
“no, it’s not time”
“wake up, Joe wake up”
“no. Not yet. Just a few more days. No. No. No”
“Joe, please… Just Wake up”
“no”
(*_*)
They lied to me.
SHE lied to me.
It wasn’t real and she didn’t tell me. I thought she was different. Obviously not. No, she was like the rest. Useless. Untrustworthy. Vile. Scum if the earth that will only chew you up and spit you out. The world was the venom that would poison you to the point of death but don’t allow you to Die. There was only one way to end it.
🔫Roses & Guns 🔫
She looked dead.
Laying there like that. Her pale skin matching her pillow, framed by her raven hair. She looked so real. Her breathing corpse still as the nighttime sky. She lay there, still, calm, alive; but not for long. I walked into her room, feeling the weight of the weapon in my hand. The cool metal alien to my inexperienced hand. I had to tell myself again that it wasn’t real. She wasn’t real. The room wasn’t real. Tje doctors weren’t real. The machines weren’t real. The gun in my hand wasn’t real. It was time to wake up. I slipped my finger around the trigger, drawing closer to her bedside. It was a simple move. One flick of a switch and the life support was off. Gently, I pressed the pillow against her beautiful face, suffocating the imposter. But I still wasn’t awake. There was only one way out. One way to get out of this hell they call life. As the imposter stopped breathing, I removed the pillow, placing it gently behind her once more. I looked at her sleeping. She looked so happy. I placed my hands either side of her face and curled those perfect lips into a smile. She smiled at me, knowing I was about to be free. I picked the gun back up, the silly revolver jumping from my hand. I picked it up again, my finger hugging the trigger as I put it against my head. “it’s time to wake up.”
I put pressure on the trigger, feeling the hesitation of my own hand, the tension of the trigger as it resisted.
I pulled the trigger.
Epilogue
They found him in her room. Blew his brains out after killing Her. After the shot was heard, doctors had gone running to help, but it was too late. Two body bags were needed. The killer and his victim. There wasn’t much of an investigation. He had killed her, then taken his own life. Joe had been a good kid; Or so his family said. At his funeral, many tears were shed, many memories shared. All I could think of was how he had killed my sister. Joe. If he wasn’t dead, I would have killed him. As they lowered him into the ground, I could only think of him burning in the fires of hell. I’m not religious, but he made me wish Hell was real, so he could suffer. Jessie. She never deserved this. Death at the hands of one so cruel. My sister, I will get revenge. I don’t know how, but I know I will. Someday.