Tommy…

August 6th 2018: Today is my 14th birthday I am dreading it like always. All a birthday is, is another year in hell. That’s how my life is anyway… It’s been like this ever since my tenth birthday… The day of the accident… I’ve always been a loner… never fit in… anywhere…

“Wake up sleepy head it’s your birthday and your first day of the 8th grade!” My mom says while she pulls open the curtains from my window letting almost blinding rays light. “I made omelettes and bacon.” I’ve always been different than my family… different from everyone really. The only person I have ever been close to was my aunt.

It was my tenth birthday when the accident happened… “Tommy come on I have a surprise!” My aunt Rachel yells. “Wait I’m coming.” My aunt put a blindfold on me when we got in the car. “I’ll take it off when we get there.” A about 30 minutes passed until we finally got there. “Okay take off the blindfold,” my aunt said with a hint excitement in her voice. I took it off and to reveal the local animal shelter. “Your mom said that I could get you any pet from here.” The kind of dogs I liked were pugs, pitbulls, and huskies. I preferred cats though.

“Hi I’m Karen the manager, would you like to look at the dogs or cats?” The manager was grinning so hard I thought her lips would be ripped open. My aunt looks at me and smiles. “Cats,” I say lightly. “Okay right this way.” The manager leads us to a room with a lot of cages. “Take your time guys come get me when your ready.” The manager says as she walks out of the room.

We left the shelter with a completely black kitten with blue eyes and a suitcase type thing that makes it easier to travel with. About 25 minutes down the road there was a deer with its babies and I pointed them out to Rachel she drove in front of a huge truck carrying some kind of poles and it hit the drivers side. I heard a loud scream followed by blood hitting the side of my face then the car burst into flames. I blacked out right after feeling a sharp ungodly pain in my stomach and arm.

I woke up three days later in the hospital with my head wrapped up with an oxygen mask inside to help me breath. I tried to get up. “I don’t think you should try that yet.” I hear a deep muffled voice say easily pushing me back down. “You are a fighter if we got there any later you would have been a goner.” I try to ask if my aunt was okay. “The girl wasn’t so lucky though. The poles that truck was carrying went through the window. She leaned over to protect you a pole went right through her back going through and going into you. On top of that there was the fire. The only thing that was unharmed was the cat.” I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be funny but I wasn’t in the mood.

A week or two passed before the bandages came off my whole body was badly burnt. There was a closed hole in the bottom right part of my stomach. My right arm was almost black and my face was also badly burned with stitches close to my left eye going all the way down to my chin. I also had stitches on my neck. I looked like some kind of monster. We had my aunt’s funeral a few weeks later. The whole time I was saying in my head my fault… my fault… my fault… That’s all that i think about its driving me insane… that’s also why I hate my birthday… myself actually… I still have the scars and burns from that day

I got to school late because my mom’s car had trouble starting… Whenever I walked into the classroom it fell completely silent the principal walked in behind me and told me to introduce myself “I’m Tom Jackson,” I said in a low voice. “Well come on in have a seat anywhere you would like.” The teacher was an older lady with long black hair. I sat in a desk that was away from the others, “Are you sure you want to sit there are plenty of seats with the other students.” I got kind of annoyed, “Yeah I’m sure.”  When I got home I just laid in my room with my cat Coat (short for Coatlicue The Aztec goddess of life and death) she was as big my shoes (they were size 12) That cat was the only thing keeping me sane and it was the only thing that I had left of my aunt. Later my mom had made cake and hamburgers.

I woke up in the night and let coat out to use the bathroom and fell back asleep. Later in the night I heard a loud high pitched almost hissing noise at my window. There were moths everywhere… I heard a loud buzzing noise it was getting louder and louder I couldn’t take it anymore I felt my sanity snap… I went to the bathroom looked at myself… thought that this is the last thing people would see before they die… it’s great… I grabbed the twin daggers my mom had hid under the floorboards in case of intruders, i threw on some black joggers and a grey hoodie, got coat and left. I needed revenge… Whenever I left the house my mother came out… I looked back and started laughing and said “Watch the news” with that I left… When I got to about the third block all I could hear was static and I fainted…

I woke up in the woods I had no idea where I was but for some reason I was holding a piece of paper with a address on it next to me was one of those solid black masks that only cover from your nose down with holes on the mouth for breathing … I went to the address and the truck that killed my aunt 4 years ago… I walked up to the window and slid it open… There was the guy asleep on the couch I walked up to him… Drove both of the daggers into his skull blood went everywhere a little girl came into the living room and screamed a woman came into the room and screamed also I took out the daggers and lunged at them driving both of them into the woman’s heart I looked at the girl and took of the mask and said “Remember this face” I let coat out and left… I went back to the woods… a long slender figure without a face stood there the static came back and I fainted… I woke up and there were three other teens around me I felt accepted…

Another murder today Sally… Tyler Person was found gutted and mutilated police say they believe this is connected to 12 other murders all the victim have been gutted with two slits on both sides of their heads that all have a black cat at the scenes… the murderer is believed to be Tommy Jackson who ran away from his home two weeks ago and murdered Hank Saluer motive is believed to be that he has involved in a wreck killing Jackson’s aunt… Jackson is said to be wearing a Grey hoodie with black pants if you have any leads please contact Hawkins County Police Department immediately do not engage him he is believed to be armed and dangerous he is badly burnt with many scars… after the break Kathy with the weather

  • Alice150

    There are some grammatical errors. This story is really great! I hope you write more!

    • Tommy Jackson

      Thank you for the feedback

      • Alice150

        Yep! I really like this story. Wish there was a part 2.

        • Tommy Jackson

          Thank you I am working on another one possibly a series

          • Alice150

            I’ll make sure to read it.

          • CREEPY_GURL122

            ooooh i wanna seeeeeeee

  • IronMosquito

    Well, it looks like me ending up here was inevitable. Since you’re a nice person, I’ll try to be less harsh.
    The grammar in this story was problematic at best. Some things were worded in an odd way, and I found myself confused more than once. For example, you should’ve made it more obvious that the story switched to memories at one point.
    Another thing that bugged me was how this story was relatively cliché. “I was involved in a horrific accident, and then I go insane and kill someone who I blame for the accident. Now I see Slenderman!”
    I’m trying to be nice, but I thought this was the same overdone and bland story. Sorry.

    • Tommy Jackson

      Yes thank you for the criticism and I hinted to him being insane from the get go with moths they are a symbol for insanity

      • Trinity_puppylover

        Well, those are the bad parts of it… But over all, it was a good story, and you should continue writing. Yes a few mistakes, with grammar and punctuation, but practice makes perfect.. I guess…
        (Though I was ftought “Practice makes permanent” if you don’t. Change what’s wrong, then it will become habit.) 😸

    • CREEPY_GURL122

      Hello, IronMosquito. I have been receiving all of your current feedback. And though it has been a while since this has been posted, and this comment is old, I would like to state this. I understand that you are trying to be helpful with said feedback. Though parts of it are useful at its best, it can be harsh. I waited until this moment to comment for 2 reasons. 1. I wanted to see how things would play out with other viewers commenting back, and 2. I couldn’t get my email to work. That is beside the point. As I was saying, when you comment certain things can effect the writer. Now even if you want to help, when you state things as is, this can lower a writers self esteem. They can make them stop writing. Now, a way to contradict this is to say good things about their story. Especially things people haven’t said already. I admire your keen eye and constructive wording. You are able to use that to effectively help a writer. For example: even though…I enjoyed the facter of creative transitions. This story was…and even if it was…your true strength is…
      this can simply help anyone. I have one problem with your criticism. The “this story was cliché” then followed by the basic summery of the story but blander and with what seems like a disappointed tone. I personally have not seen a story written by you. This might sound harsh, but if you say that, you best try and write a story yourself. It’s kinda difficult to wright a creepypasta without insanity or “cliché” parts or aspects. I can tell you right now, every writer you have said “this story was cliché” to, was trying to be creative while having that creepy aspect. Take a look at what you say before you post it.

      • IronMosquito

        You can check out my story if you feel inclined to do so, it’s called The Underground. I am quite hard on myself whilst writing, as I constantly try to keep away from what I consider “bad writing”. I sometimes consider my own writing cliché. Maybe my self-hatred towards my own work is what fuels my harsh anger towards other authors. I will, however, try to take your advice and point out strengths in writing as well. However, the reason I did not point out any strengths in this story is because, in my opinion, there were none.
        As a side note, I would like to adress my comments regarding your story. I made it blatantly obvious that I did not like the first couple of your stories. However, I am pleased to say that your writing has improved significantly on all aspects, despite the fact that I do not like fan fiction. Good job on that.

        • CREEPY_GURL122

          Thank you. I personally believe that when writing, it is important to take criticism. I tried to do that. I was a novice, still learning. Now that I have better practice, I can have better writing. I’m truly glad you will take my advice. It is something I think every author you have criticized would like to see. One last thing. Don’t be super hard on yourself. It is important to push yourself forward, but if you go into the stage of pushing to hard, you can end up hurting yourself.

  • CREEPY_GURL122

    hey Tommy, creepy_gurl here! I love this story. so much so that I am doing what you wanted. Yes, your story will be integrated into mine. Even though there were some grammatical errors, I found it interesting. It was a great story and I would love to see more. I think you could become a great writer as long as you continue to practice. If you would like, we may be able to work together in upcoming episodes in my current story or a different one in total. Hope to hear from you soon!

    • Tommy Jackson

      Hi I’m so glad that you enjoyed my story, I enjoy yours as well I did fix the grammar but I posted the wrong one, the other one had more content. I look forward to working with you.
      – Tommy Jackson

      • CREEPY_GURL122

        Awesome! Talk to you soon!

        • Tommy Jackson

          Yep talk to you soon😁