The Hidden Temple

by kkslider14
454
1.67
3

So I was sent to steal items from a temple. So I went in the middle of japan I ran I jumped over a fence. It was probably 11 feet tall. I was 5ft tall so me falling didn’t hurt too bad.

I checked the front door to the temple it opened but there was only a room. I had to climb so I jumped up and right into the building. Right in front of me was the item. I grabbed it. I only needed one more item.

So I ran and while I was passing I saw a geisha and I jumped out the window. I hit the ground hard and I saw the last thing. Right as I was about to grab it I heard rock on rock crunching I grabbed one of the katanas of the wall.

All of these geishas came out of the rock wall. They all had hooked blades. They ran at me. I hit one in the face it crumbled. I was so confused. I hit one in the side and dragged it crumbled to. I got hit and got my side carved out.

I jumped back through the window I ran and jumped as far as I could. I broke my arm I climbed over the same fence I hit rock. The geishas yelled, “Take the statue Ryan!” How did they know my name? how?

I took the statue. They fixed my cuts and they told me the statue had a cursed background. I hated my boss perfect. They said that I could come back. I found that the person. That had been hurting me for years was the enemy. I gave the statue to him… for the last two years I’ve gone to see the geishas a lot. My boss has died and I’m free.

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  • IronMosquito

    Way too short, needs more development.

  • Puddin Tane

    This is really bad. Sentence structure, punctuation, grammar, and that’s just to name a few. That explains the low ratings.

  • Advice from a pizza

    Dude… Where’s the description? This is like picturing a stick figure move around in an open, white space. Paint a picture of the scenery, give some scale of what everything is like or whatever building you’re stealing from, give the time period, describe what Geishas look like — don’t assume knows what one looks like, why is everything even happening???? Give some more narrative backstory!!!!

    This is extremely rushed with little to no believability. You cleared an eleven-foot wall with a height of five-feet? Really? You don’t set what the protagonist can or can’t do– apparently, they can still break their arm.