Siri

1/5 Badly written with a confusing format.

Aside from the format, this story was VERY rushed and even comical to a degree. The protagonist (Josh) asks ones question and immediately freaks out when Siri makes a suggestion outside her expected programming. That one moment instantly pulled me out of the story. A more believable approach is to have build-up. Instead of the Josh freaking out, have him shrug it off (maybe Apple updated Siri to make smart remarks– nowadays you can list who in your contact list is your boyfriend/girlfriend, so it’s not that far-fetched she could say something witty).

Also, why would Josh just leave his phone with his friend? In this day-and-age, nobody goes anywhere without their phone, let alone decide to leave at a friend’s house, even for a night. Moving forward: Why does Mrs. Adams, an adult, go to Josh, a kid, first when she realizes her son is dead? Her first action would be to panic, call 911 for an ambulance and maybe the police if she suspected foul-play.

I’m not trying to spit on your story, but simply bringing up the type of things you should be thinking when crafting stories. If you fail to recognize these things, the reader won’t and be pulled from the story and will instead focus on the “plot-holes” or nonsensical actions from the characters.

Overall, I know what you were going for, but the story is extremely rushed. Had you taken the time to gradually build-up Josh’s encounters with Siri, with realistic actions and thoughts, then I think you would’ve had an enjoyable story. What makes horror work so well aside from the impending danger is the build-up leading towards it and the character reactions. You want to root for the character or, in some cases, the bad guy.

I recommend writing practice with small scenes that have build-up and character dialogue. Practice makes perfect! Most importantly, and I mean this not as an insult, but READ a book. The best way to learn other than through writing practice is to learn/read from the masters — see why you like a book the way you do and try to recapture that magic.

Hope to see you come back from this!