Kyrah

My story isn’t like most, it’s about my strange life, and how I became a Creepypasta. I was always thought to be a very normal and happy little girl, but as I got older that changed, the light I once had was burning out, I became distant from everyone, I lost every friend I ever had, and my family didn’t care for my condition. After all of this time isolated, I eventually started researching and came across a website called Creepypasta.

I became very interested in Creepypastas after I read the first story about a tall faceless man like figure, he was called Slenderman. After I continued to read all of the stories, I felt more and more connected to them, I felt like I belonged with them, I couldn’t have been more right that day.

As days went by, all I ever thought about was getting to read and learn more about Creepypastas, and as the weeks went by I continued to feel like one of them, until one day I was walking home from school and came across a group of people in my grade who I wasn’t very fond of, most people liked to push me around because I had no one to stand up for me, these jerks did it more than others.

Jason, Mitch, Samantha, and Brigitte were very well known for bullying kids and bullying me specifically, they loved to beat me up and then leave me to be in pain alone. “Hey well look who it is,” Mitch mocked as I tried to hurry home to read more about the pastas. “Haha! It’s miss gloomy and dark” Samantha laughed as she pushed me over with a quick shove. I don’t know what it was about that moment that made me snap inside, normally I can handle their abuse, but in that moment everything in my mind went blank, and all I could think about was how I was going to beat these kids senseless.

As Samantha continued to laugh I took advantage of her weak legs in the open and swung mine around, then knocked her feet out from under her, she crashed to the ground with a sickening, yet satisfying crack on her right arm. She screamed in pain and Brigitte went to her aid. Jason and Mitch then turned their attention to me, getting ready to attack me because of what I had done to their friend, as they stood there glaring at me, Mitch quickly pulled out a knife and rushed at me, out of pure reflex I caught his hands, just barely stopping the knife from plunging into my chest, I then gave a small smirk before tripping him and grabbing the knife out of his hand.

Jason then fired his gun that he had gotten out of his backpack as I was distracted by Mitch, he missed me by inches, and as he tried to fire again, I ducked down and rushed at him, gripping the knife firmly in my hand, then slamming it deep into his chest.

Jason toppled over as I removed the knife from his chest, I turned to see Mitch’s horrified expression, then I cracked a smile, “You’re next,” I said in a low tone. Mitch slowly backed away from me, but in an instant I ran to him an stabbed his knife into his skull, blood gushed out of his head and I pulled the knife back out of his skull. Mitch and Jason layed there on the concrete, dead, as I then looked at Brigitte and Samantha who were frozen with pure fear, they trembled as I walked towards them with a sickening smile on my face. “You were all so mean and annoying, but now the world can finally be rid of you,” I chuckled as I plunged the knife into Brigitte’s side and then again stabbing her in the neck. Brigitte, Mitch, and Jason all were dead, killed by me, now all that was left was the already injured Samantha.

“Stay away! Get away from me!” Samantha cried as she struggled to get away from me, I grabbed her bleeding arm then whispered into her ear, “You’ve met your end, now the world will be free of you.” I then slammed her to the ground and stabbed her in her heart, killing her instantaneously.

  • Maya

    Great story thxs for writing it

  • Ess.Tennant

    This was super lame. Definitely written by an angry kid who needs to realize this won’t be their life forever. See a shrink, take a writing class and try again.

    • Kyrah

      I love what I do, I just love to write, I’m sorry if you don’t, if you don’t like what I write then don’t read it.

      • DannyPhantom79

        Good for you πŸ‘Œ

  • IronMosquito

    I agree with Tennant. This was clichΓ© and overdone. It cut off abruptly, and it was too boring. I have no idea why someone would think that this is good enough to be submitted here, but whatever.

    • Ess.Tennant

      If anything I can see it being a young kid trying their hand at writing. With that comes constructive criticism that they definitely need to hear.

      • Kyrah

        I get it if you don’t like what I am writing, but if you don’t like it then just don’t read it, and take your negativity elsewhere.

        • Ess.Tennant

          πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ That is not the most intelligent response considering you posted it on a public platform. How am I supposed to know that it needs a lot of work at the beginning of the story before it’s read? It’s also probably not the best move to post something publicly and turn into a little snowflake who needs a safe space when people are too mean. If you really want me to be mean I could literally sit here and pick apart the entire thing and tell you exactly where your “ideas” had been used before. The lack of a storyline or background for the characters, and how it just ended…like what? My five year old niece has more depth to her imaginary friends. I would not be saying what you are with a 3 star rating that I can PROMISE only got that far out of pity and sympathy. Or because they want to try and encourage a young child to keep writing. I pray that you are under the age of 12 because if you are then this totally makes sense and then if you are under the age of 12 then keep trying keep writing, keep adding more, keep making your characters better, make them make sense give, them a backstory make it something that people want to read, come up with original ideas that you just don’t see in stupid emo fanfiction. Also if you are young and you are a kid, I apologize but for some reason I think you are older and can’t handle mean people.

          • Kyrah

            Sir, I am a 16 year old in high school, I simply write because it is fun, I don’t know much about writing like you apparently do, I respect your opinion and I was not trying to disrespect you by voicing my opinion. I was just saying how I felt. I’m sure you had good intentions on what you were saying and you just wanted to tell me how to make my story better, but it seemed like bullying to me.
            I refuse to act child like and I wish to solve this maturely. Thank you.

          • IronMosquito

            The fact that you’re 16 makes this even worseπŸ˜‚

  • Ray Ramirez

    This story did seem a little more personal rather than a creepypasta. Stories like those will get backlash or blunt criticism, but it’s not that any of us are trying to seem like bullies. They’re just trying to help and let you know what could be improved and whatnot.

    • Kyrah

      Thank you, I appreciate the honesty and the way you put it. I will think about that when I write again.

      • Ray Ramirez

        And don’t listen to rude comments, you write a lot better than I did when I was 16. If you love writing continue to do so. I’ve gotten rude comments before and people telling me my stories sucked, it can be discouraging but keep it up.

        • Kyrah

          Thank you, you are very kind, I will work to make my writing better, but I will still do it how I love to.

  • Thats_some_crappy_pasta

    Dude i totally agree with iron it was a horrible story with a horrible plot. Why do u even try?

    • Kyrah

      Judging by your name, you say that to a lot of people, I like what I do, and I will work on my writing.

      • Thats_some_crappy_pasta

        Wow i thought u would be one of those kids who scream or whatever. Ur not. Thats good. Im happy u replied with a positive responce. I look back at my comment and i just relised about the why do u even try was kinda jerky thing to say. So im sorry. Just make sure to check that there is no cliche or incorrect grammer.keep working hard!πŸ˜‰πŸ˜€πŸ˜ƒ

        • Kyrah

          Thank you for that, you are kind for noticing when to step back, I appreciate you admitting that, you are a good person for that. I will keep doing what I love and I will take your advise seriously. Thank you again.

  • Puddin Tane

    I read the story. While I agree that there needs to be a back story, I don’t see any problems with it. But, each to their own choosing. We all have our own tastes.

    • Kyrah

      Ok, I have decided that I will be making a new series and taking all of your advice, I will add more back story to the main character and to the other character’s, it will be in third person so that I can give better background to every character. The second part to this series is already being put out so there’s nothing I can do about that, but I can work on the series I am currently doing, any other suggestions to how my stories can be improved I am happy to listen to.

  • anothernewhuman

    I’ve read both parts of this particular story so far, and while I don’t normally feel the need to leave comments on here, I’d like to offer some feedback since you seem to actually be interested in learning how to fix your future stories. I don’t intend to sound harsh about it, but I will be honest in explaining what’s wrong and why it annoys so many readers to see content like this.

    The very first thing that makes readers want to roll their eyes is the opening claim… That “Kyrah’s” story isn’t like most, you know, except for the fact that she becomes a creepypasta and pretty much follows the same exact pattern as every other angsty-teen-turned-killer kind of story.

    There are other ways to make your character unique and interesting without them being depressed, lonely, bullied by everybody and uncared for by their family. It feels like you’re trying too hard to force readers to feel sorry for Kyrah, because clearly if she’s a victim of unfair treatment we’ll have to cheer for her to get back at her bullies and take control of her life.

    Instead it comes across as a teenager’s overdramatic revenge fantasy. It’s too unrealistic to be anything other than edgy. The parents are portrayed as terrible people who don’t care about their kid’s problem, so they deserve to be stabbed. Bullies have no backstory, lives if their own or purpose beyond tormenting the main character, so they also deserve to be stabbed. It’s just so easy to kill off everybody else when they’re all unfair to Kyrah and stabbing solves all her problems.

    It’s like the world revolves only around her, almost to a degree where all other characters exist solely to make Kyrah look more important in some way. Parents, bullies, even Eyeless Jack (in part 2) show up to put a spotlight on how special she is. Then any opposition she faces is instantly dealt with by stabbing. Oh, and she’s super good at it too. No training, but somehow she’s the best. Never are there any mistakes or consequences for her actions. Becoming a killer is never treated with any hesitation, anxiety or even nervous excitement from committing murder for the very first time. Her experiences don’t lead to any growth in her personality or character depth. At the very least, let her have some more emotion when she starts stabbing people; she’s not a trained assassin, so it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s suddenly acting like the Terminator instead of a teenage girl. It honestly doesn’t make her seem as cool as you probably wanted her to be, rather it makes her less believable as a character. I know I would connect more with Kyrah, maybe even worry about her well-being, if she reacted in realistic human ways to what she was doing. That doesn’t mean she has to stop serial killing, but I bet you even some notorious psychopaths have second-guessed themselves once or twice; you could have Kyrah make mistakes sometimes, feel fear of losing a fight or at the thought of getting caught… and if it suits your story, maybe have her consider a moment of guilt, remorse or sorrow over one of her actions at some point. Realism goes a long way when it comes to creating a character that can stand out from all the other creepypasta clones out there right now.

    Well, regardless of what you do, I wish you all the best with your writing, and hope that my critique might help you in some small way.

  • Sarlic

    How long have you been writing because this is a great story and it’s pretty well written but I do wish that you would explain what the people look like:::forgot to say, keep up the writing, it’s good and you enjoy doing it so don’t let anything put you down